Texas

Surrounded by a circle of friends,
in this
warm
thick
weather
cloaked like a blanket
on my frail, northern shoulders.
enveloped by the love of my friend-family,
in this
humid
lush
weather
cloaked like a blanket
on my frail, northern shoulders.
this is
exactly
what the doctor ordered.

lost

so hard to find the words for what I'm feeling

a mixture of abandonment, a pinch of anger

and a whole universe of lost.

it's just that everything I write feels inadequate

even the flowers seem to lack their previous luster

and although this moment shall be fleeting,

as if I don't know the sun will shine tomorrow,

I have found motivation in the emptiness

you have given me.

I have found motivation in the fragile caress

of the cavernous void left after a raging fit of anger

and once again I find nothing makes sense, but to write.

To pour my soul into meaningless words

written on paper or digitized into a world

where they will all soon be forgotten

to everyone, but their author.

And isn't it man-kind's goal to leave behind a legacy?

to make something worth remembering?

and how shall I be remembered?

as the girl who smiled too much...

laughed too loudly...

felt too quickly...?

what drab bit of nothingness will be my legacy?

it won't be the poetry, the tenderness

the way my skin leaps aflame at the hint of your touch.

it won't be the artistry, the passion

the way I long for that perfect kiss.

it won't be the intelligence, the insanity

the way my heart can't seem to function if you're not around.

No, it won't be any of these things...

...unless of course

It's what I force them to see.

Dear Internet,

I apologize for my absence, the end of a semester is always fast paced and gets me crazy busy.

So, let me update you a little on my outrageously boring-but-fast-paced month. I've driven to montana and back. Gone to the Oregon Coast, got incredibly lost in Portland, spent four or more hours searching for my car. Almost ran out of gas about ten miles outside of Spokane, BUT DIDN'T. Spent about a week pretending life didn't exist with my buddy, and now I'm playing catch up to finish all the things I need to do for life. The week was worth it.

Now, the semester is over, and summer begins. I promise laughter soon. But for now it's the hustle and bustle of getting prepared to get the heck on the road home.

Adieu.

It's charming, that look given me
from lucid blue eyes so deep...

they might stretch for miles if given the choice.

the choice to wander, to never walk a path of normality

my spirit laughs not knowing what to say

or what to think

or how to feel.

so lost.

forced to wander, to never walk a path of normality

might stretch for miles.

that look given me

is lost, so charming.