Connections

Why is it that in some people we form such deep connections with almost instantaneously and others it takes years of building? Most people you never have a connection with, they just walk in and out of your life. Buying a candy bar here, spilling a soda there, yelling at the same traffic light. But, as quickly as they came, they depart.

How is it that I have lost the ability to determine the connections between me and others? Did Count really screw me up bad enough that I can't connect like I used to? That scares me so much but it reverberates as truth in my bones so it must be, at least mildly, true. I'm afraid to be stuck this way forever, lacking the ability to connect the way I used to. To anything; music, poetry, art, friends. I can only describe how I feel as...lacking. The emotion I previously had has been stolen from me. And now I am a void of something. Something I'm afraid I'll never be able to get back.

Is it possible to lose your soul? Can someone truly steal it from you, in the night? Creature of the night. Count, you have failed me so. And I had such high hopes for us, even if I always knew they weren't true. So, why did I listen? Why, oh why..someone please tell me, did I choose to love you? Regardless? If I knew so exactly how this would all play out, why did I stay and risk the beauty that was me? Count, you have stolen myself away from me. I want her back. You can have the apathy and the jadedness, they bring me nothing but regret and sadness.