I'm sick, and when I get sick I get whiny. And by whiny I mean so beyond annoying that if you're around me for more than 2.5 milliseconds you'll most likely be pulling your hair out straining not to pick up the nearest gun and put one of us out of our misery.

When I'm sick it's like my brain and body are at war with each other. My brain is hyper-as-fck, like a severely ADHD child who desperately needs medication but her parents are too broke/busy pretending their child is normal to actually give their kid/it's teachers a break.

Brain: holy fck I'm bored! bored!! BORED!!! BOOOOOORED!!!!!!!!! Body get your lazy ass up! let's do something! let's redecorate the bathroom! it needs a new sink. and a new coat of paint. oh I know! let's go for a jog! let's take the dog to the park! let's go play frisbee golf. let's paint the fucking mona lisa. ANYTHING!

Body: meh. no, thanks. laying here sounds good.

Brain: seriously, I'm going to punch you. get up, put your feet on the floor and move it you heifer.

Body: Brain I'm warning you, if you don't shut up I'm going to....do nothing. I can't even move. I'm exhausted. Lifting a fucking finger even feels like an hour long work out. I'm not moving, I'm going to sit here and stare at nothing, that is that.

Brain: FINE! But I'm going to make mouth so fucking unbelievably whiny that no one will want to be around you or help you! MWUAHAHAHAHA retaliation is beast!

Body: meh.

One fatal flaw of being a 20-something in school and living with your mother is this, she knows exactly how many days of school you've missed. So when you're really sick and can't go to school she guilt trips you as if you're fifteen, and as if she still can tell you you if you don't go to school you want get ice cream. or money for the movies. or to see your boyfriend this weekend. and by-god-almighty, you will NOT be getting that new super-awesome-latest-technology-device-every-has-to-have if you don't go to school young lady.

Sure mom, I'll go to school. My classmates really love it when their neighbor is hacking up a lung on top of them.

"dude, did you just cough your lung on me?"
*blank face*
"sorry"

what? doesn't everyone want bloody lungs coughed on to them at least once in their lifetime? ....no? my mistake.